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Joke of the Day
"Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt."
Next Joke
"*sees a truck* Nice. *sees a trucker* Oh, impressive. *sees a truckest* Ah yes. This is what I came for."
"What did the atheist fisherman say when asked about his catch? There is no cod"
"Suicide book A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says; ""Fuck off, you won't bring it back."""
"Daily routines So one day a man goes into the doctors office and says. Doctor! doctor! My penis has turned orange So the doctor says Well what is your daily routine I eat cheetos than jack off"
"Friends- What did you get for your birthday? Her- He went to Jared Friends- You're engaged!!! Her- No Jared is our weed dealer"
"Ok gas pump, enough! Credit or debit? Zip code? Reward Card? Car Wash? Receipt? What octane? It takes less buttons to launch a nuke!"
"French-related joke (semi nsfw) When does a Frenchman get his morning wood? A bonne heure."
"Me: What do you think of my tweets? Wife: They're all pretty terrible. Me: Don't you have ANYTHING positive to say? Wife: You're consistent."
"INTERVIEWER: it says here on your resume that you're good at small talk? ME: yes INTERVIEWER: holy shit"