9503

Joke of the Day

"I can't believe I got fired from my job at the DNA testing facility. After all the blood, sweat, and tears I put in."

"[jumps in getaway car after bank robbery] ""They said no I couldn't have any money"" Damn it, they make it look so easy in the movies"

"This morning I had a swollen testicle. ""I'd have simply preferred toast,"" I told my wife."

"Me: my doctor says if I get annoyed I could die You: so you can't watch that YouTube link? Me: I'm saying it's dangerous to even send them"

"""Space heater"" is a pretty ambitious name. How about ""shin warmer?"""

"You know something bad's gonna happen in a Law & Order when the electric guitar kicks in"

"Mark Wahlberg has requested a pardon for a crime he committed in 1988. His debut single."

"If I were any more hungry right now, Brad and Angelina would adopt me :("

"I am aware that smoking will kill me, please explain to me again how you'll live forever"

"I just want to bring your heart to it's knees. ... And while you're down there..."