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Joke of the Day

"9/10 people believe that... Out of every 10 people, 1 person will always disagree with the other 9. -Colin Mochrie"

"[I open my lunchbox to find pair of wife's underwear] But that means... [Cut to my wife opening her lunchbox to find a pair of my underwear]"

"When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what? We do."

"What's a pedophile's favourite chord? A minor."

"Just been offered a 42 Plasma TV for 100. Only problem is the volume control is broken, I thought fuck it, at that price you can't turn it down."

"What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne doesn't come on your face until you're a teen."

"Now that they found water on #Mars, how long before they bottle it & sell it at Whole Foods for $19?"

"Toddler: *crying bc it isn't her turn with the princess crown* Me: Sweetie, you need to share Husband: Just give her the crown, you're 35"

"Do you think horses are negative? They seem like real neigh sayers, and they're always whinnying about everything"

"There's one good thing about suffering from insomnia 3 more sleeps 'til Christmas!"