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Joke of the Day

"Lady at the door asked if I'd found Jesus and I was all HOW IS HE MISSING, IT WAS YOUR DAY TO WATCH HIM. I don't think she'll be back."

"What's the difference between seal hunters and teenagers? There's none, both like clubbing."

"What's more awkward than getting a boner in public? Your girlfriend getting a boner in public."

"2030's kids won't get this... Drinking water."

"What's the difference between a dead prostitute and a dead German midget? A tiny pair of lederhosen on your basement floor."

"Unfortunately, this month's Psychics Club meeting is cancelled... ... due to unforeseen circumstances."

"My therapist keeps telling me to stop dating women who believe in the healing powers of crystals and I'm all like, ""Nope."""

"What's the difference between a new anal plug and a used one? The taste."

"What does a walrus and tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal"

"During our First Dance at our Wedding My new wife looked into my eyes and said ""Where have you been my whole life?"" I said ""SOBER"""