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Joke of the Day

"My 4-year-old just asked if peanuts had peanut butter in them what kinda dumbass have I brought into this world."

"Hey, Facebook. Dead people can't read your RIP shoutouts, because death."

"I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit."

"What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste."

"A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a bar. The priest asked the rabbi, ""Do you get paid for corcumcisions?"" The rabbi replies ""No, but I keep the tips."""

"What do you do if a gang of clowns attack you? Go for the juggler."

"[Burger Lounge] Server: Are you 27? Me: OMG NO I'M 39 THANK U SO MUCH U MADE MY DAY Server: I meant your order number, ma'am."

"Did you hear about the two lesbians that built a house? It was all tongue in groove Not a stud in sight"

"Canadians leaving south for vacation are like Americans escaping marriage, desperately trying to escape frigid temperatures..."

"Wood Tits A woman got wooden breast implants yesterday. It would be funny if this joke had a punch line, wooden tit?"