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Joke of the Day

"If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?"

"You should really eat more turnips. They're really healthy Turnip, for what?"

"What do you get when you mix Mexico with literature? Tequila Mockingbird"

"A guy walks into a bar with a gun he says ""Which one of you bastards fucked my wife?"" and a small voice from the back of the room says ""You haven't got enough bullets"""

"When I die, someone, please attend my funeral dressed as the Grim Reaper and just stand there and don't say a word. Thanks."

"Parents w/ 1st Baby: ""Aww he's starting to walk! C'mon buddy, u can do it!"" Parents w/ Baby #4: ""SHIT, HE'S STANDING! QUICK, SWEEP THE LEG!"""

"I was just awarded a trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf."

"How can you tell if you're at a gay picnic? The hot dogs taste like shit."

"A woman was arrested when her boyfriend's body was found in a freezer in their living room. Who the hell puts a freezer in the living room?"

"I'm not saying it's been a while, but, the last time a girl got down on her knees for me, she showed me how to tie my shoelaces."