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Joke of the Day

"To a young housewife: remember that a small bottle of vodka not only will decorate the table but also will hide your cooking mistakes."

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"What do you call a pie who made his own ears? A pioneer"
"There's no easy way to steal a watermelon."
"The cable guy said he'd be here sometime between 1:00 and April, 2016."
"Wife: There's a spider in the kids' bedroom Me: I'll take care of it *raises spider like one of my own* *has a little cry when it graduates*"
"There was a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray He's now a seasoned veteran."
"This guy must really want to impress me with his endurance skills. Because when I asked if he wanted a ride, he said ""No thanks I'll walk"""
"How do you know that there's a monster in your bath? You can't get the shower curtain closed."
"'90s movie spoiler alert: it's Kevin Spacey."
"What do you call Italian marijuana? A pizza joint"
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