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Joke of the Day

"Satan: And this is the TV room. Me: This isn't so bad. *turns on TV* *only thing showing is golf*"

"7: I need a pet pig so I can always have bacon. Me: There are some fundamental flaws in your plan but I like the way you think."

"I put my pants on just like everyone else in your mom's bedroom in the morning"

"My girlfriend says she's my best friend but she got so mad when I called her a homo and threw a snowball at her face. Women are so confusing"

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a guy, on the side of the highway reciting the alphabet backwards and trying to walk a straight line."

"I'm never gonna tell the person I'm meeting up with that you said hi."

"You say you don't eat a lot of fast food but it kinda looks a little like you do."

"I like my women like I like my Scotch. Noice."

"What do Mountain folk do on Halloween? Pumpkin."

"I'm putting together a mail-order-bride catalog featuring poor desperate American women looking for a way out...I'm calling it Facebook."