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Joke of the Day

"What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use more lube!"

"Cookie. I would give you a cookie, but I took a byte out of it."

"What do elephants in the zoo get for lunch? Half an hour, just like the rest of the animals."

"I update my Facebook picture to a jail mugshot over the holidays so my family will go visit someone else."

"Respect to this dude at CVS whose sole purchase is Frosted Flakes"

"I laugh at an ex who now dates an ugly man-pig... Until I realize that maybe she has a type."

"My fitness instructer keeps asking if I squat. No Gary..I rent. I'm not a hobo."

"Just bought a copy of a talking holy book An Audibible."

"I believe in you. I also believe in dragons, so don't get too excited."

"My Girlfriend said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with pointing out obvious escape routes... So I showed her the door."