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Joke of the Day

"WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing."

"OCD My little cousin has been diagnosed with an unusual case of OCD where all he does all day is organise dinner plates by the year they were made, It's an extremely rare dish-order........"

"I know this is only our second date, but can I use your bathroom real quick? Her: Of course... *walks out 26 minutes later* Thanks."

"I installed a pedometer app on my phone But whichever direction I walk, I seem to be moving away from the kids."

"I saw this one guy really, really beat Bobby Flay It was his ex wife's lawyer."

"I think the bloke next to me is gay. I'm trying to take a shit, but he keeps giving me looks. I'll try the next urinal."

"""Hey, my eyes are up here! LOL, just kidding, they're everywhere."" - the government"

"Don't you wish people could be like money? So you could hold them up to the sun and see which ones are fake and which are real?"

"Did you guys know about the security guard who got fired from the Sperm Bank? He got caught drinking in the job."

"What type of wind is named after a young deer? Foehn"