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Joke of the Day

"I installed a pedometer app on my phone But whichever direction I walk, I seem to be moving away from the kids."

"What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink? ""Hey, where'd my Glascow?"""

"I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey... But I turned myself around"

"What tea do footballers drink? Penaltea!"

"Why do Feminists Like to have Sex with the Lights Off? They can't stand to see a man have a good time."

"So drunk that if Dracula bit my neck right now, he'd get a Bloody Mary."

"Kim Jong il is dead? I guess that's the end of HIS Korea."

"My client's (soon to be ex) wife just flipped me off in the courthouse parking lot, so yeah, I'm obviously doing my job right."

"What do you call a sad hat? A sombre-ero!"

"When a cop asks if you know why you were pulled over, respond, ""I'm actually not allowed to discuss the details of the case"""