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Joke of the Day

"A nurse takes out a rectal thermometer from her shirt pocket And thinks, Some asshole has got my pen."

"""I've changed my mind."" ""Thank God! Does it work better now?"""

"I got my first A+ on a test today... It was a blood test..."

"Where do angry mailmen work? At the pissed office."

"If you like blowing candles on your birthday, what does that make you? A gay candle."

"A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis? her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue."

"From now on, when you see the word ""minimum"", good luck trying to not imagine a tiny British mother."

"A horse walks into a bar. The bar-man asks ""Why the long face?"". The horse not knowing English, shits itself and walks out the bar."

"You know what I really like about you, girl? You're really down to earth. *waits for response, nothing. Goes to next tombstone* You know wha"

"On Canadian twitter they should give us 148 characters. We have extra U's in words like colour & the ""eh"" we need to add at the end."