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Joke of the Day

"I don't understand men who can pull off facial hair why don't they just use a razor?"

"That awesome moment when you flip your pillow over to the cold side."

"Today a girl said she recognized me from our vegetarian club, But I'm pretty sure I've met herbivore."

"My wife opened one of her birthday presents early, saying that it was ""practically screaming out at her"" That's the last time I buy her an orphan"

"Violets are green, roses are blue... Alright you bastards, who fucked with the hue?"

"Siri, answer all of my toddler's stupid questions."

"What is Hitler's favorite type of car? A fuhrari"

"I already won the lottery. I'm a white male born in the USA."

"What did the sushi say to the bee? Wassabee?!?!"

"My friends bakery burnt down... It was toast =D lmao"