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Joke of the Day

"What would life be without plumbing? Shitty"

"I can still blame my unhealthy eating on ""the holidays"", right? President's Day is coming up."

"In any kind of relationship...you learn more about someone at the end of that relationship than at the beginning......"

"CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig shake? WAITER: Tell him the wolf is coming."

"Usain bolt is very good at running... He had tons of practice trying to escape the police when he was a kid."

"I went into a pesticide shop and asked the owner if he had anything for flies. Stupid idiot shat in my hand."

"if you are getting the names Jon and John confused call them by their full names, Jonaldo and Johnaldo"

"I once tried to overdose on Viagra. It was the hardest time of my life.."

"Where do cows like to live? St. Moo-is."

"Why did the skeleton knew that it was going to rain? He read the weather forecast, Idiot (Wow didnt see that coming did you *wink*)"