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Joke of the Day

"Do you want to earn $$$? Yes, three dollars!"

"I spent an hour explaining how WiFi works to my dad and my dog. The dog gets it."

"I'm thinking of re-releasing my old tweets in 3D."

"If threesome is sex with three people...... .....and a twosome sex with two people, I guess I know why I'm always called handsome. (Btw, is this a repost? I hope to god not.)"

"What do a feminist and a policeman have in common? Q: What do a feminist and a policeman have in common? A: They're both trigger-happy."

"Things I use my car for, from most to least: 1)Tweeting while parked 2)Snacking 3)Transporting bugs that can fly but are lazy 4)Driving"

"What's black, and breaks into houses? A wrecking ball"

"*hitler leans in close to the mic* and the next person to question me gets executioned *grammar nazi bites lip*"

"[Native Americans see ship approach] Let's use fake names lol ""Ha! I'll be Running Bear,u be Crazy Horse"" lmao do u think they'll believe us"

"How many Unidans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Six: one to screw it in and five to cheer him on loudly while standing in front of other people's bulbs so no one can see them."