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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by accidentally making a private message a public comment revealing my Jalapeno and Cheese Recipe. It was nacho business reddit."

"So what going on with dead baby jokes? I think there dying off."

"gonna have me one of them sexy closed-casket funerals, leave somethin to the imagination"

"I stay awake at night wondering... I stay awake at night wondering if hooked on phonics has a hotline for addicts."

"Stereotypes are just like regular types, except every time someone almost kills me, while I'm driving, it's an Asian person."

"Have you ever tried sex when camping? It's fucking intense..."

"This doctor once told me eating a bagel was like eating 5 slices of bread and I was like ok, cool, I like bread"

"Got up at 6:30am today. Did some yoga. Had a protein shake. Ran six miles. Started lying about everything."

"I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no f*cking money in there."

"Boss: ""Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life""!! Me: ""Well It got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago 2011 Boss: ""Really""? Me: ""No"""