29926

Joke of the Day

"I stay awake at night wondering... I stay awake at night wondering if hooked on phonics has a hotline for addicts."

"[The mid 20s catch up] ""What are you drinking, who you seeing?"" [The midlife catchup] ""Who's your therapist, what are you taking for it?"""

"Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill Mrs Brown."

"How do you find will smith in the snow? You look for fresh prince."

"My mom just replied to my text with ""K."" Whooooaaa busy lady, is there some emergency over on FarmVille?"

"The first question aliens will ask our leaders is why that peanut is wearing a top hat and monocle."

"How do you sink the unsinkable? Zat is a qvestion for a philosopher, not a comedian!"

"Why did the scale decide that the scam artists were heavier than the novels? Because the cons outweighed the prose."

"Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: Because she loved children."

"I'm 99% sure the plane Harrison Ford was in is from the Amelia Earhart exhibit at the Smithsonian."