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Joke of the Day

"[Morgan Freeman narrating my life] *extended period of silence* ""What the hell am I supposed to do with this..."""

"How many alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? ..To get to the other side!"

"A mom is having dinner with her daughter And her daughter exclaims ""Mom, I don't really like the red soup"", her mom replies ""Be quiet child-we only get it once a month"""

"My Dad's Joke How do you get herpes of the eye ball? Looking for love in all the wrong places."

"Today I bought cupcakes without sprinkles. Diets are hard."

"I use my notebook the same way I use my girlfriend. Just flip'em over every period."

"I saw my neighbour jogging at 1am this morning and said ""It's a bit late for you Kathy, isn't it ?"". She said ""I couldn't sleep"". I said ""That's not what I meant, you fat b*tch""...."

"A Nerd joke.. A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks ""any baggage to check?"" The photon replies ""No, I'm traveling light."""

"im the guy responsible for throwing the chicken in the air for fried chicken commercials. i will never reveal my secret method's"

"I hate when I can't remember if my wife and I are in love or fighting. So, I'm like a minesweeper in the mornings."