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Joke of the Day

"I experimented a ton in college. I tried naps in the evening, naps in the morning, sometimes even 3 naps in a row."

"Did you hear about the French Olympic race walker who pooped his pants mid race? At least he didn't oui in them too."

"I played a game of poker with a leper. He threw his hand in."

"If H2O is inside a fire hydrant, what's outside of it? K9P"

"What did Watson tell his friend when he was constipated? No shit Sherlock..."

"""Let's call it a day."" I don't know what else you'd call it. Calling it a turtle would just sound stupid. ""Lets call it a turtle."" See?"

"I hate having closure, it's really"

"Almost 100 degrees here, which sucks. Although, to be fair, only the last 15 degrees suck. I'm okay with the rest of them."

"me: *rubs lamp* genie: I will grant you three wishes me: can you go away I'm rubbing this lamp"

"Stick around after sticking around after the Thor 2 credits. Very realistic 3D of a theater manager telling you to leave."