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Joke of the Day

"Stick around after sticking around after the Thor 2 credits. Very realistic 3D of a theater manager telling you to leave."

"Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed."

"what did the grape say when it got stepped on? nothing, it just let out a little whine"

"Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog."

"What do you call a Mexican on a RIDING lawn mower? Promoted"

"What do we want?! LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES! When do we want em?! NNNNEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW"

"squirrel probs"

"Policeman: I suppose you're going to tell me you weren't speeding. Motorist: I was speeding all right but I was testing you to see if you were paying attention."

"What does a sailor use to clean his clothes? Tide"

"When I open the Sriracha and a bunch squirts out on its own I tell it that it's okay, it happens to a lot of hot sauces."