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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between OP and a Pregnant woman? She delivers."

"I'll never cheat on another test... It keyed my car and told the cops I beat it up"

"I always do my best work stoned. You can ask any of my ex-bosses."

"SURGEON: *cutting open patient's torso* NURSE: sir, what are you doing?! this is a knee replacement! SURGEON: there's a Pokemon in there"

"Apparently the Royal Family is running out of money. They're down to just 26.5 million ...Which is what happens when nobody in your family has had a job for the last thousand years."

"Just tried to massage a stressed worm but I did it too hard and now it's dead and arguably more stressed than before"

"I'll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I'll be over there for you."

"I estimate 70% of my work conversations are just me quoting made up statistics."

"A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ""I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."""

"Don't buy a low-quality mirror. It would reflect poorly on you."