94099

Joke of the Day

"I will never miss you, because I'm a really good shooter."

"Driving down the highway and on the side of the road I see a preist fucking a goat! I yell out 'hey, wrong kid!'"

"My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates."

"TIL Humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Human almost never eat monkeys at all."

"Why do you need to be 35 to be elected president? So women don't get elected."

"They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody."

"Always leave the shower curtains open. *things I learned from horrors"

"Slow down in those corduroy pants. You'll ignite a bush fire."

"Eating spicy food is like expressing your love to someone who has no interest in you... you always get burned in the end."

"How many Microsoft executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just redefine 'darkness' as an industry standard."