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Joke of the Day

"Did you know the average performer can subsist off of one compliment for multiple nanoseconds?"

"How many skateboarders does it take to change a lightbulb? One...but it takes him 27 tries"

"Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're really good at it."

"I've never sky dived but I have zoomed in real fast on google earth"

"One day, someone will call me sir without adding ""I think we're going to have to ask you to leave."""

"I have never met a farmer that isn't pro tractor"

"Some guy keeps saying he's going to post a pic of his girlfriend in his next submission to r/Femdom but never delivers OP is a flagellate"

"Me: ""Don't piss me off, I can rip a phone book in half."" 10yo: ""A phone what?"""

"Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway."

"What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener."