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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever seen something and just wanted to devour it? Anyways I lost my job as a gynecologist today."

"The one thing that I excel at... is spreadsheets."

"I once got diarrhea on a road trip but I went on, undeterred."

"How should you send a letter to the Easter Bunny? By hare mail!"

"if u hear ur roommate using ur beard trimmer in the bathroom but they come out and look exactly the same u should buy a new beard trimmer"

"What do you call the crazy people who always hang out with musicians? Bass players"

"How many glasses of wine equals two servings of fruit? Asking for a friend."

"A heart-shaped pizza just means less pizza and that's not a sacrifice I'm willing to make for love."

"I thought I lost my car keys, but the NSA called and said they were in my other pants."

"I'v been catfishing my best friend Dave for the last 3 weeks. He's gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I'm showing these emails to his wife."