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Joke of the Day

"be careful tonight honey, guys ur age only want one thing.... sports. so b careful not to look too much like sports out there"

"*Stubs cigarette out in palm to look tough* *waits till everyone leaves* *takes out cell phone* Hello 911? Please send all your ambulances"

"What is the difference between a group of Pygmy riddlers and a lesbian track team? One is a group of cunning runts and the other is a group of running cunts."

"What did the elevator say to the escalator? Do you even lift?"

"I wish I were poor for one day. Because being poor every day is not something I like waking up to."

"Before I destroy a wasp's nest I like to capture a single wasp and tell it my entire diabolical plan."

"You know what they say about vasectomies... There's a vas deferens between the good ones and the bad ones. Thought of this yesterday, probobally done before but whatever"

"Q: What do you get when you put an experimental monkey in a blender? A: Rhesus Pieces."

"What's the hottest part of a room? The corner, it's 90 degrees."

"In a surprise move, Taco Bell is acquiring Taco Bueno... It's a hostile tacover."