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Joke of the Day

"I hope Rand Paul doesn't pick Scott Walker as his VP I have a feeling Paul/Walker would crash and burn. Edit: thanks for the gold! It's my first!"

"My daughter does this thing where she copies EVERYTHING the dog does; Bark, beg, fetch etc. It was adorable! Until the dog humped the couch"

"I'm sick and tired of the jokes on this sub, so I'm going to kill my foot. Yeah, that's right. I'm putting my foot down."

"A young girl accused of apostasy... (NSFW) Loves dick but prefers to eat pussy, She loves bacon with eggs, And would spread her legs, For anyone whose name lacked apostrophes."

"How to Pass So apparently if someone commits suicide while we take a exam or final in school, everyone in that room or place will get 100%. I literally need the blood of a virgin to pass these exams."

"[I open my lunchbox to find a copy of the Magna Carta] But that means... [cut to British Library patrons thoughtfully examining a Capri Sun]"

"Teach a man to fish and feed him for a day. Shoot him in the face and never have to deal with that whiny douchebag again."

"Someone just honked to get me to get out of my parking spot faster so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead"

"Don't bother using those white packets of seasoning inside new shoes, they taste terrible."

"Ultimate confusion What is the ultimate confusion? Two gay guys in a hottub full of sausages."