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Joke of the Day

"Teach a man to fish and feed him for a day. Shoot him in the face and never have to deal with that whiny douchebag again."

"Why do redditors have so many inside jokes? Because we're too afraid to go outside"

"Why couldn't the whistleblower step outside? Because it's Snowden."

"[meeting her parents] GF (whispering): Please don't make a scene ME (angry-whispering): You told me there'd be cheese"

"How did the investigators discover that a serial killer had dandruff? They found head & shoulders in his bathroom."

"HEY GRAPEFRUIT, know what else is a grape AND a fruit? GRAPES. yeah. so get your own name you citrus idiot"

"A priest walks up to a rabbi and says . . . ""Been in any good jokes lately?"""

"Why did the atom stick around? Cuz if he split, the situation would have gotten blown out of proportion."

"Whenever a bill collector calls I just give the phone to my toddler and tell her it's Barney."

"I automatically write off anything Donald Trump says because someone with that much money has no excuse for that hair."