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Joke of the Day

"Teach a man to fish and feed him for a day. Shoot him in the face and never have to deal with that whiny douchebag again."

"It's not that I don't like drinking, it's just I find that my aim when throwing bottles in your face is allot more accurate when I'm sober."

"MATH JOKE: The ladies call me an integral ...because I fill the area under their curves"

"What's the #1 cause of pedophilia? ...sexy kids NOTE: Don't let this note, my acct. name, and the fact that this is only my second post interrupt your comedic ~~enboyment~~ enjoyment"

"Feeling pretty tough after some dodgy Indian takeaway last night If anyone needs me, I'll be vindaloo."

"FDA should require Starbucks baristas/cashiers to be calorie counters. ""Here's change of 50 and that's 1,073 calories of your Venti Frap."""

"What do you call a sapling in the military? An Infantry! (Infant tree, a sapling is a baby/young tree? Ah forget it!)"

"My grandfather went to the doctor The doctor said he has the body of a 21 year old, who smokes, drinks, and does hard drugs."

"A governor is being inaugurated and there are snipers on buildings and based on my work in video games I'm offended I wasn't asked to help."

"Why did the frog jump under the lawn mower? He wanted to Kermit suicide."