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Joke of the Day

"Hey, not too bad I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I love you too Ok, bye -phone convos with mom"

"Like The Purge but everyone is tryin to murder Tim Allen & become the next Santa. Pls donate on kickstarter so I can finally feed my family."

"Of course, Lil' Wayne isn't his real name. It's Lillian Waynard."

"Why was the pilot jealous of the chef? Because of his ground thyme."

"I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them."

"We should probably abolish the death penalty since we don't even get to throw rotten vegetables at people anymore"

"saleslady: can I help you ""yes, how many leg holes do these pants have?"" saleslady: ummm just the usual two ""nice, nice"""

"My uncle knew the exact moment when he was going to die, down to the last second. Isn't that amazing? The judge told him"

"What do you call a hot guy , who instantly becomes super hot? Sick, he definitely has fever."

"I was a bit skeptical when someone told me there were three holes in the ground. Well well well"