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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the attempted shooting at the 2015 Pokemon World Championship? The gunmen tried to escape, but luckily, officers were able to catch'em all."

"I'd don't know if this qualifies as a super power, but I'm 100% accurate at finding cat vom in the dark with my bare feet."

"How much does a circumcision doctor make? Probably just a tip"

"Damn girl, are you the wife of a convict serving a long term in a federal penitentiary? Because you left before I even finished my sentence"

"Wanna know the secret to a good marriage? Sleep. Cant do anything wrong while sleeping. Unless you talk in your sleep, then youre dead."

"I've got 99 of everything, and my problem is hoarding and OCD OCD OCD OCD."

"What is a politician's favorite kind of tea? Infideli-tea."

"I want to be featured on the news and the caption below me to read *unintelligible screaming*."

"[talks about how badass wolves are for 20 mins] date: can we talk about something else? [pulls out powerpoint on why wolves are badass] No"

"They say Margaret is a raving beauty. You mean she's escaped from the funny farm?"