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Joke of the Day

"A wheel fell off the vegetable cart... A wheel fell off the vegetable cart. What do you need to fix it? Asparagus. (A spare, I guess)"

"What do my tastes in food and pornography have in common? I prefer the kind with fruits and vegetables."

"I couldn't figure out why my data wasn't coming out like my classmate's, until I realized I dropped a square root in the formula. I put it back in and re-plotted the data. I saw a radical change."

"Mr. Trump, what will you do as President? TRUMP: I'll outlaw shredded cheese and only sell blocks Why? TRUMP: To make America grate again"

"Well, I don't know how my tattoo is gonna look when I'm 60, Carol, but I know you'll be dead by then so"

"Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards."

"What is the difference between Hitler and Seabiscuit? Seabiscuit could finish a race."

"It's cute how I ordered 2 drinks and the bartender asked if I wanted to wait for the other person to be seated"

"Why do clouds make good Kings? Because they have rain over every country in the world."

"What's the best part of domestic violence jokes? The punchline"