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Joke of the Day

"A wheel fell off the vegetable cart... A wheel fell off the vegetable cart. What do you need to fix it? Asparagus. (A spare, I guess)"

"Him: let's play a game of rhyme. I'll go first. Romantic Me: Panic Him: Fun Me: Run Him: love Me: shove Him: this isn't going well. Me: hell"

"What's worse than your doctor telling you that you have gonorrhea? Getting the news from your dentist"

"My resolution for the new year is... 1080p"

"why do people keep putting flag overlays on their avatar when tragedies happen? like i've seen it happen with france, brussels, gay marriage"

"I had a friend who claimed he didn't see race... I didn't believe him until the 5K incident"

"Mark Wahlberg has requested a pardon for a crime he committed in 1988. His debut single."

"If there was a way to read a woman's mind...I'm still not sure I'd want too...I hate shoes, shopping, gossip & I already know I'm annoying."

"Why is Karl Marx a fan of the Galactic Empire? He was born ina 1818."

"The Klondike Bar found out what I did for it, and now it's blackmailing me."