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Joke of the Day

"My Sunday School teacher is so old... .. when the New Testament came out she said ""I don't care for the new curriculum."""

"I just know my cause of death will be trying to scoot my office chair around as fast as possible."

"Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral? A: One less drunk."

"I was telling this chick how I almost died during childbirth and she asked me when I'm having another one. I SAID I ALMOST DIED, CRAZY LADY."

"By tomorrow night America will be in a turkey induced coma. On Friday...Canada attacks."

"When it comes to returning emails, I only have two speeds: within 3 seconds or within 3 months."

"What did one dog say to the other when he wanted a marker? ""Pass the Shar Pei, please."""

"How old do kids have to be when you can start saying ""Fuck you."" to their faces instead of behind their backs?"

"Why do teenage girls hangout in odd-sized groups at Starbucks? Because they can't even."

"Today a girl kissed me I wish I could post it in another subreddit Edit: Thanks for gold :D"