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Joke of the Day

"Why did President Obama get two terms? Because every black man gets a longer sentence."

"Where do Squarells live? In Geometrees. I am not embarrassed to say I made this up two weeks ago while teaching quadrilaterals. The groan from my students could be heard for miles."

"I was just reminiscing with my friends about our day out at the clock museum... ...good times!"

"I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers."

"Collection There was some guy collecting the waste from the urinals at work today. I think he was taking the piss to be honest."

"How do you get an elephant into a Safeway bag? Take the S out of safe and the F out of way.."

"Fun DIY Project Even YOU Can Do Step 1: Flip over empty wine bottle Step 2: Use base as weapon"

"How many calories does avoiding eye contact burn?"

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants The bartender says, ""Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"" The pirate says, ""I don't know, but it's driving me nuts!"""

"As a kid, I was less concerned about Goldilock's safety than I was about Mama and Papa bear not sleeping in the same bed anymore."