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Joke of the Day

"Dr: We need you to come back for additional blood work... Me: Why, is something wrong?! Dr: Yes. Your blood sample was mostly champagne..."

"You know how people say they'll pray for you? I bet they don't. Assholes."

"What do you call someone who is iffy about cleaning lawn games? A wishy-washy Washer washer."

"Why aren't there more jokes about Jim Jones? I think it's because usually the punchline is too long"

"I used to do drugs i still do, but i used to to. -Mitch rip the legendary Mitch Hedberg"

"You can't get good signal reception at a cemetery It's a dead spot."

"Is it sad that the plans I make after work depend on how much charge I have left in my phone battery?"

"What has 16 balls and 3 pubic hairs? A sleepover at Michael Jacksons house"

"So a camel opened up an ice-cream parlor... he called it Dromedary Queen"

"Don't trust anyone who wants to ""get you out of your comfort zone."" Why would you ever want to leave something called a comfort zone?!"