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Joke of the Day

"Apparently saying ""If you think your wife is fat now, wait till she has the baby"" is not a good way to congratulate someone."

"Great. Ban gay marriage. Remember what happened during Prohibition? Now we're going to have everyone making bathtub gay marriages."

"Just shoveled my sidewalk My neighbors dogs didn't seem too appreciative with all their barking and yapping. Or maybe they fucking loved it and I just don't speak dog very well."

"""Dora"" only rhymes with ""Explorer"" if you're from Long Island, New York"

"How do you make a duck sing? Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers"

"Last week I dropped my camera into the toilet The pictures were even shittier than usual"

"If you can't beat them, try again when they're sleeping."

"There's a question in the exam that said, ""What is the past tense of 'think'?"" So I thought and thought and thought and eventually I picked 'thinked'."

"Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting."

"I feel I can empathise with Harambe a lot I too have been shot at whilst molesting kids"