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Joke of the Day

"moisten thyself and wait for me in the westernmost grunting shed"

"To limit my smoking... I only smoke on days that start with 'T'... like Tuesday, Thursday, today, and tomorrow."

"A money-hungry man opted to change his name And the Rich get Richard"

"Something you don't want to hear in a sonogram... Doctor: There is the head...see they hand, they're waving.... and look! It's a boy! Wife: Is it supposed to be that big?"

"I really hate working late. My ride turns into a pumpkin and I always end up losing a shoe."

"To find out your cat name, pick any name at random and refuse to answer to it."

"Why is Rosie O'Donell fat? Because she likes to eat out!"

"I've only been in jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped. ... My uncle doesn't fuck around when he plays Monopoly."

"How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it."

"Why can't Obama dance? Cause he has two leftist feet."