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Joke of the Day

"My doctor said the claw marks on my face are not from a poltergeist but I should stop trying to put roller skates on cats."

"I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them."

"A Roman walk into a bar, holds up 2 fingers and says, ""5 drinks, please!"""

"Never lie! Said Mommy to little Timmy and handed him over to Santa."

"Why did the plumber cry? His family died."

"Who stole the sheets from the bed? Bed buglars."

"Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids... ...shame really, they would have loved a kitten."

"Don't walk around the city at night with a lot of bread in your pocket. You might get rolled."

"What is more inappropriate than a 7 year old saying ""I drink coffee""? Her saying ""I drink it black, like my men"""

"I just want to apologize to all the guys I dated BEFORE I started using Prozac. And to their wives. And their local fire departments."