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Joke of the Day

"Your tits look better when you don't talk."

"Boss: Staff meeting at 3:00. Me: I can't come, I'm allergic. Boss: But we're not serving food. Me: ... yeah now I really can't come."

"Did you hear the one about the Chinese Godfather? He made him an offer he couldn't understand."

"I do this really cute thing, where if I walk by a car that has a stick figure family on their back window, I peel a kid off."

"WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don't really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)"

"How is Harrison Ford like the Reddit admins? Both should have said no to the latest update."

"And the Lord said onto John, ""Come forth and you shall receive eternal life"" But john came fifth and won a toaster"

"Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother!"

"What's the worst part of locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic parking lot? Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger."

"Not to brag but both my kids are from the same dad"