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Joke of the Day

"If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them."

"Son, its time we had 'the talk.' [dad removes shirt, starts projector, chugs 4 beers] Ok! So Tower 1 steel beams could only have melted at-"

"I love horror movies until it's time to do laundry in the basement and I have to run up the stairs before a scary force pulls me back down."

"What does a gun, a fire extinguisher, and a condom have in common? Its better to have it and not need it, then to need it and not have it"

"Die Hard (1988):A cop stops terrorists in a building Therapist:Sounds cool but lets discuss how ur parents named u the title/year of a movie"

"What do you with 365 used rubbers? Turn it into a tire and call it a goodyear."

"Why don't you see any slow black people? All the slow ones are in prison."

"What's the key to a Pirate Opera? The High Cs"

"I got invited to my first HS party... ten years too late, fuck you all i'm not going to the reunion, get bent."

"Why was the fruit really upset he had to get married in a big church? [oc] Because he cantaloupe."