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Joke of the Day
"[bedroom] Her: omg don't stop Me: what was that? Her: *sighs* Simon says don't stop"
Next Joke
"Used parachute for sale. Only used once, never been opened."
"Every Winter, one bear chooses not to hibernate. Instead, he stocks up on Sharpies and turns all of the brown bears into black bears."
"If a man tells you he'll fix it, he will fix it. There is no need to incessantly remind him about it every 5 to 6 months."
"I told my friend that Dracula and I had sex with my 12 inch penis. He refused to believe me... I said, ""I know it's hard to believe, it's a lot to take into a Count."""
"How did the hipster burn his tongue...? ... he drank his coffee *before it was cool.*"
"You wanna hear a Dad joke? Well, I don't have any kids yet so you're gonna have to ask someone else!"
"What do you call a mexican prostitute? Nach-ho"
"Why did the spider land on the keyboard? She wanted a new website."
"take your time pedestrians we're not dreaming of mowing you down at all"