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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross a leopard and a camel? A fireside rug you can get a good hump on. Source: Jo Brand on QI S3; Cat's Eyes"

"Why is Wendy never pregnant? Because Peter's sperm Neverlands."

"You excited to watch the Super Bowl? ""Ya, but only cuz the commercials."" [sounds of man being beaten to death with bowl of chips and dip]"

"(accidentally invented when heard words out of context) What kind of food did Hitler eat? Notseafood"

"My father once told me, ""Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."""

"Can't remember the name of that 80's song, huh? You might have Wham!nesia..."

"Difference between Men and Women Women may be able to fake orgasms but men can fake relationships!"

"[5 year old tugs on pant leg] Daddy if time stops at the speed of light then photons aren't actually moving, so is everything we see a lie?"

"If someone says they're going to quit their job to become a stand-up comedian, ... Are you supposed to laugh?"

"My plan to buy a drawing board just fell through. I guess it's back to th-OH GOD DAMNIT."