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Joke of the Day
"My girlfriend is like a bagpipe When I squeeze her she makes annoying noises."
Next Joke
"I'm 100% straight So straight I don't even like touching my own dick to masturbate. My friend Dave does it for me."
"When my kids get older I'm going to discourage them from drinking.This way if I need a liver I can just harvest one of theirs."
"What do lonely terrorists have sex with? Blow-up dolls."
"There's an iPhone app that scans your face and tells you how ugly you are. You don't need this. If your phone doesn't ring at all, you're ugly."
"That awkward moment when you're trying to get over someone you were never dating."
"Two bars of chocolate are falling down the stairs... ...the first one says:""Shit I think I broke my ribs"". To which the second one replies:""So what, I fucking hit my nuts!""."
"How many bears could Bear Grylls grill, if Bear Grylls could grill bears?"
"Sorry I have byslexia..."
"My boss really hates that I shortened his name to Dick.... Especially since his name is Steve"