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Joke of the Day

"Headed to the gym. Gonna work on my diptroids. My gluteralids. My quadrapeps. Maybe my trapaceptals. Definitely my vocabulary."

"Read aloud and quickly: ""One smart feller, he felt smart"" Freudian slip?"

"Ask your doctor if you're healthy enough for sex. Then ask if you're attractive enough. Then ask your doctor for sex."

"Do we still not know who let the dogs out?"

"ME: I can't find my sandals WIFE: did you look everywhere? ME: yes WIFE: even down ME: yes even dowI did not put those on"

"Every year I work my ass off to get the kids what they want for Christmas but then That fat bearded bastard gets all the credit. Mind you, It's my fault I married her."

"My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked."

"Itis sad when a girl breaks up and changes back to her iI need attentioni Facebook picture."

"A blind man walks into a bar ..and into a table and a chair."

"72 What is 72? 69 with 3 people watching!"