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Joke of the Day

"Women are temperamental. That's 90% temper and 10% mental."

"""Pete's coming for dinner tonight."" ""Pete from work or Pete who thinks he can walk through doors?"" [Massive thud] ""I'll just check."""

"Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? A. Any place without a drive-up window."

"Do you, Karen, take David the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better... or worse? Better... or worse?"

"When flying to Prague... ...all of your bags are Czeched"

"I HATE stereo-types.. Samsung, Sony, Toshiba, doesn't matter. Can't stand 'em."

"man I hate tailgaters I was doing 35 over the limit today and the idiot behind me was still tailgating and the flashing lights on his car looked stupid too"

"I'm trying my best to give up using sexual innuendos.... But it's SO hard."

"Booze Cruise I'm not afraid to die, I'm just afraid of how I'm going to die. I wanna go like my grandpa, In his sleep, not like his other 4 screaming passengers."

"Yeah, I'm majoring in math. Then when I graduate I'll get a job down at the math factory. Maybe even work my way up to CEO of math one day."