92021

Joke of the Day

"I buy vodka alone, people give me the ""Enough Vodka?"" look. I buy vodka with 4 kids, people give me the ""Are you sure that's ENOUGH?"" look."

"I have an inferiority complex..... It's not a very good one, though."

"The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 7 more times before then."

"My friend stole my capacitor I told him that wasn't farad all"

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms? One's a Goodyear, and the other's a great year. x/post from r/funny"

"Why did the little boy use his inhaler? ""No wheezin'"""

"If I learned anything from Peter Pan, it's that I can leave my dog to watch my kids while I go out and party."

"Two biologists are discussing a new book on amphibians... Biologist 1: What did you think of the chapter on frogs? Biologist 2: Oh it was quite ribbiting."

"One of my cats learned how to open doors and now he opens doors for the dog and I live in an 90's family movie."

"Why was 11 afraid of 12? Because 12 13 14!!!!! GET IT?!?!??! source: some comment on reddit I read like 6 months ago"