92001

Joke of the Day

"I'm such a cougar magnet. And I'm not talking about middle aged women either, I'm talking about REAL FUCKING COUGARS!"

"A black couple leave a generous tip at a restaurant.... Just kidding."

"Why do tectonic plates wear diapers? Because they're in continents."

"[Little bit racist] why do New Zealanders... Have insomnia? Because every time they start counting sheep they get too horny to sleep."

"My dad worked on a car assembly line for 40 years. He retired years ago but still struggles with post pneumatic press disorder."

"Why I don't trust women.... Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

"Hugh Jackman and Kevin Spacey are sitting at a dinner party.... Hugh Jackman says, ""Hey, Kevin, can you pass the salt?"" Kevin Spacey replies, ""No soap, radio!"""

"How is Santa like a paedophile? They both leave children's bedrooms with empty sacks."

"""The concept of romantic love is obsolete in the modern era"" I declare loudly to no one in particular as I grab for another dinner roll."

"Me: bless me father for I have sinned. Priest: how long since your last confession my son? Me: about 45 minutes ago..."