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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the protests going on outside of Madison Square Garden? Everyone was yelling ""Hands up, Don't Shoot"" but J.R. Smith and Carmelo Anthony just wouldn't listen."

"I told my girlfriend she'd look better with her hair back Apparently that's not an appropriate thing to say to a chemo patient"

"Went to the moon for dinner last night Good food No atmosphere"

"I like my humor like i like my coffee Dark, bitter but satisfying."

"I've got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I'm stressing about for absolutely no logical reason."

"What's the difference between Elliot Rodger and an egg? [x-post from r/4Chan] An egg gets laid before it cracks. [Source:](http://i.imgur.com/L4kXpw8.jpg)"

"A programmers wife tells him to buy groceries She says buy bread, and if there are eggs get a dozen. He came home with twelve loaves of bread"

"Long John Silver's is the perfect representation of corporate greed. Nearly everything that company does is selfish."

"Hmm, should I try to rip open this box with my bare hands for 20 minutes, or grab scissors & do it in 4 seconds? *starts peeling at tape*"

"Why did the scientist regret naming the organism ""Fungus""? Because after they hung out Gus was actually a pretty boring guy."