91783

Joke of the Day

"- grabs leash - grabs phone - takes dog out for walk - pulls out phone - checks Twitter - walks dog to South America"

"What can you tell about a guy who's always masturbating? That he's the son of one Mr. and Mrs. Bating. Please don't kill me."

"2012 me can't believe 2005 me actually knew 8 people I liked enough to put in a MySpace Top 8."

"What would you call a democrat and republican coming together as one in the bible? A Bernie Bush"

"My girlfriend keeps telling me to buy camo because it's really in But I can never find it at the store."

"Whats the square (root) of a (onion)??? Shallots ^_^"

"Now that they found water on #Mars, how long before they bottle it & sell it at Whole Foods for $19?"

"I'm adopted and I'm glad my parents were at least honest enough to tell me. But why everyday?"

"Why are C programmers just the worst? They're classless."

"[looking at pics] Where's that? -Hawaii Where's that? -Jamaica Daddy where was I? -You weren't born Why's the folder called 'Good Ole Days'?"