200512

Joke of the Day

"did you hear about the gay, cannibal pirate? apparently, he loved the taste of seamen."

"Why didn't anyone like the bread store owner? He was pretty loafsome"

"What's worse than 1 slice of burnt toast? The holocaust."

"Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty."

"Farmers. If Farmer A sells watermelon, and Farmer B sell apples, what does Farmer C sell? Drugs."

"What does Hillary's emails and a racist post have in common? [removed]"

"When I saw ""likes music"" on her dating profile, I almost fell out of my chair. Because I also like music. Holy shit she likes good food too!"

"So Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and phosphorus walk into a bar. The bartender says ""OH SNAP"""

"[Cretaceous Period] T-REX: *eating pterodactyl, sad* I just wish it were meatier... DRUNK GUARDIAN ANGEL: A meteor? Tha's weird but ok 1 sec"

"""Your sense of entitlement is destroying our relationship"" *me to my dog while trying to eat without having to share."