91715

Joke of the Day

"my fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that i lied about on my drivers license"

"Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th."

"How do you know if a Korean gang robbed your house? Because all the rice is gone, and three hours later, they are still trying to back out of your driveway."

"Calm down girls, it's Starbucks. They sell coffee, not unicorn blood."

"If I ever go missing and theres a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms."

"TIL that 9/10 Doctors agree, drinking water is good for children The tenth doctor is Dr. Pepper"

"she was only a fishmongers daughter... but she could lay it on the slab and say fillet."

"Oohh, you play bass, as in the guitar. I thought you played bass, like the fish. I would've paid to see that."

"Hendrix didn't need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD."

"I should buy a 26.2 sticker! for my nose..."