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Joke of the Day

"I never got why nice guys don't get all the girls... I mean they do finish last, I thought girls liked that."

"My life is just like Black Swan, except replace ballet with reruns of Teen Mom and Mila Kunis with a carton of ice cream."

"AMA request: Paul McCartney How big of an impact has Kanye been to your music career blowing up?"

"kids r so cute!!! they dont wanna sleep becuase theyre afraid of having nightmares whereas adults cant wait to sleep so they can escape them"

"What do you get when you mix a donkey & a onion? A Piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye"

"I don't agree with all the critics towards priests nowadays. They are actually the only ones who slow down with their car when near a school."

"Man at garage: ""Are you claiming this off your own insurance?"" Me: ""Yes. I don't think the deer I hit had any insurance."""

"I want to make medical bracelets that say ""In case of emergency, delete browser history"""

"My wife just made a ""special"" dinner ""just for me"" for no apparent reason. I'm going to die, right ?"

"The best way to get over someone is probably with your vehicle"